July 01, 2010
by Sarah Sandifer
In full disclosure, I am a health freak. Also in full disclosure, I love food. I especially love even those foods I’m not supposed to love like donuts, french fries, and hot dogs. I should hate them, never lay my eyes on them, and flee from temptation. But I don’t.
I can be the most disciplined person and the healthiest eater in the world. I can turn down a slice of cake with the best of them; order a salad rather than the creamy pasta. I am convinced though, that if I were a superhero (something I imagine frequently), my fatal flaw would be this: my all-or-nothing-syndrome.
If I am being disciplined and going to the gym and eating salads, smoothies, and whole grains, I wear that self-control badge with honor and I love it. However, the second a brownie crosses my lips, I’m done for. Something goes haywire and I figure I might as well go all out. So I eat. And eat. I find cheese. And cake. And ooey-gooey pasta.
This is where it always goes downhill for me, the days immediately surrounding the deployment of my husband. The week prior to D-Day (Deployment Day), he wants to go out for his ‘final meals’, for food that he won’t be able to eat overseas.
We order bacon-cheeseburgers. I bake his favorite desserts. And of course, in my unapologetic food-loving ways, I match him one for one. What he eats, I eat. We’ll order an extra large pizza and split it, which he always complains about. He feels shorted by not being able to eat what his wife can’t finish.
This is our preparation for deployment, Lane using the opportunity to eat food he won’t have for months and me eating it all right there with him. In the days immediately following D-Day, I understandably need comfort food. Cookies and chocolate become my best friends for a 48-hour period.
Inevitably, I come to a crossroads. I have to make the decision after a week of food-induced intoxication and choose which road to go down. Do I go back to salads and smoothies, which I really do love? Or to survive the deployment, do I just not worry about trivial things like food and my own health, and eat what I want?
When left to my own devices, the foods I find myself going to are comfort foods. Dinners composed entirely of cheese and crackers. Making homemade garlic bread and eating bread--and only bread--for a meal. Living on cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for a solid week.
Maybe I’m not the best to be doling out health advice. Clearly, moderation is a word I need to become more familiar with. However, I have learned some things through my all-or-nothing shenanigans. Once I got eating junk out of my system and went back to a smarter way of eating for the remainder of the deployment, I could genuinely feel a difference.
A few lessons:
- It’s not good to live on only carbs.
- Sometimes nothing--absolutely nothing--cures a broken heart like a fresh batch of chocolate chip cookies.
- Food is connected to everything. To my mood, to my energy, to how well I love others. It’s connected to feeling better and taking better care of myself. It connects my heart to my head and helps me have a clearer vision into a situation.
- Eating junk got boring after awhile. It wasn’t as fun as I initially thought. Cooking is an entertaining pastime I ended up missing. It’s an excuse to have a friend over for a meal when your hubby isn’t there to eat it with you.
- Enjoying food is correlated with enjoying life. Letting myself have a bowl of ice cream doesn’t have to derail a healthy way of life. It supplements life and it doesn’t have to be legalistic.
- When living alone because of a deployment, I think we’re allowed a little slack. Do what it takes (within reason) to get through it. If that includes a daily latte from Starbucks, a bowl of ice cream at night, or a daily trip to the gym, you should enjoy them without guilt.