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Maggie Haynes is a pen name for a Washington, DC-based military officer and writer.
Maggie Haynes is a pen name for a Washington, DC-based military officer and writer.
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FEMCOM |
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12/29/2009 2:07 PM |
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FEMCOM is a blog for all women warriors past and present. We go from high heels to combat boots and support each other against all enemies, foreign and domestic while keeping our sense of humor. |
By FEMCOM on
12/13/2010 3:40 PM
Ladies: Time for Full Battle Rattle…
Looks like DADT isn’t the only diversity issue heating up in the E-Ring these days. According to Andrew Tilghman over at Army Times, a recommendation is coming in March to lift all bans on women serving in combat (story here).
The report, by the Military Leadership Diversity Commission will be a part of a formal presentation to Congress and the White House.
According to the story, the report “concluded that women do not lack the physical ability to perform combat roles; gender integration will not negatively affect unit cohesion; and women are not more likely than men to develop mental health problems.”
They mean we won’t get the vapors under fire and our “monthly visitor” won’t hamper our attempts to take a hill. I jest.
But seriously, this is one long overdue move. I think many people, women in particular, want to know why a woman would WANT to see combat. Well, we don’t actually want to get shot per se, but we do want the same opportunities to excel like our male counterparts. And if you are in the military, combat is one of those areas that make a difference in promotion selections.
There are a number of men and women on deployment right now in grave danger and their job may not require them to go 5 feet outside the wire. They are in danger of having to fight at any moment because our enemy is not a traditional enemy. They aren’t going to stop shooting because there are women around and America has a rule against them engaging in combat.
If they were to lift the ban, women throughout the service would have exponentially expanded their career opportunities; particularly in the Army and Marine Corps, according to the Commission.
Let’s face facts. We can debate this for years but while that debate is going on women service members in theater are actually in combat so it isn’t a “will they or won’t they” question. At this point it’s simply an issue of when women will get credit for the combat they have already endured.
And those who see this as a harbinger of the end of the military as we know it have nothing to worry about. Men will always outnumber women in the military. It’s a man’s world. We get it. We just want to have the same opportunities if we are among the few who decide to commit ourselves to military service.
And when they do lift the ban I’ll be in uniform tossing my beret in front of the Pentagon like Mary Tyler Moore, celebrating the equality that many military women before me have worked for.
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By FEMCOM on
10/6/2010 2:37 PM
Military.com ran a story about Secretary Gates’ comments regarding women possibly serving in Special Forces units in the future. I think what Mr. Gates was getting at was that forward progress and review of current policies is an ongoing thing and like putting women on submarines, it will be something that will take time and patience if we want to do it right.
That is not however the take away from some knuckle draggers who saw fit to equate the very idea of women in Special Forces with the impending Apocalypse.
Well, get your three horses ready, ladies because I do believe one day we’ll be at that point where we serve in combat, in special forces, on submarines; and possibly the day will come when one of the service branch heads is a woman. I say this not in the hate-filled feminist way that implies as we take over we should rid the military of men, but rather as a woman who thinks women make an incredible contribution to our national defense.
While I’m offended by the respondents who used colorful terms to describe what women are really good for (mandatory references to hookers and baby makers…seriously guys, this ain’t our first rodeo; come up with some original ways to try and demean us why don’t you) I would like to reassure the worried males masses that opening the Special Operations door to women won’t result in a Filene’s Basement sale frenzy. Think about it. There will be a very narrow field of women who will want to go into that field and for the most part they will self select. Just like men do. Many over-excited new recruits come out of boot camp thinking they are going to be the next Chuck Norris but most find other pathways; some go on to the testing and training portion and very few actually make it.
I very much doubt that Secretary Gates is going to round up a group of random military women and send them straight to BUDS. And as Admiral Mullen himself said while at a ceremony honoring military women, “If the talent pool is there, we need to recognize that and make sure doors stay open.”
FEMCOM would like to think people see the enormous possibility in the continuing progression of women in the military. And the pushback we see now is the same pushback that went on when women were allowed to attend the service academies, when they wanted to fly jets, deploy, command ships or battalions. Same song, different verse.
I just hope the women who have the first opportunities to enter the SOF arena REALLY want to be there because our experience shows that women who break glass ceilings simply for the purpose of being a crusader only manage to get glass all over everyone. The true warriors in equality are the women who push ahead because they are talented, wicked smart and they realize it’s not about them but about the mission.
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By FEMCOM on
9/23/2010 4:20 PM
This week an amazing thing happened, the Afghan National Army (ANA) went co-ed (http://www.military.com/news/article/first-female-afghan-army-officers-graduate.html?col=1186032310810). 29 females graduated Officer Candidate School and will now be serving side by side with their male peers….well not really side by side since they won’t be in combat, but they will be working at the Ministry of Defense and they have earned their rank in the military.
So who trained these gutsy Afghan women? A Louis Gossett Jr.--like Drill Instructor (“Only two things come from the Kashmir Valley….”), perhaps Arlee Ermee “The Gunney” whipped them into shape and made them lean, mean fighting machines?
Nope. They were trained by our very own U.S. Army Capt. Janis Lullen and Army First Sergeant Kristin J. Norton. Not single handedly of course, there were NATO folks and support staff and whatnot but it does my FEMCOM heart proud to know my sisters in combat boots were a part of changing history in a country where women are so brutally demeaned and minimized.
I’ve had the distinct honor of meeting and talking with many WWII female vets and I can imagine these Afghan ladies are about to embark on a similar experience. Just as our American trailblazers withstood harassment, danger, and being marginalized by their male peers, I fear these Afghan officers will have to withstand the same and perhaps even worse. Acid attacks, stoning, kidnapping…things that we hear about on the news and shake our heads are a real threat for them. But in spite of the danger they have set the rolling stone in motion. They may be limited to secretarial duties or logistics right now but someday they will be allowed to be pilots or tank drivers or (gasp!) leaders.
And while there are still some maggots in the service who would like to see American G.I. Jane’s barefoot and pregnant and nowhere near their Ward Room, there are so many more service men for whom women in the military is not even an issue today. I can only hope eventually Afghan men will see the proficiency, the professionalism and the added value these women bring to their service and it will pave the way for a stronger Afghan force; one in which men and women work together.
The beauty of the military in any country is that it is the great equalizer. Serving with someone is a bond and that bond supersedes race, gender, and religion. At least that is how it’s supposed to work. Sometimes it does and sometimes it doesn’t. But more often than not we get it right. I hope the same will happen in the ANA. And if it doesn’t, I know DoD has some incredibly boring GMT training videos they could send over.
So my salute today goes to those 29 women who just made history in their country. And to Capt. Lullen and 1st Sgt. Norton for expanding the FEMCOM reach into places we never thought it would touch. Well done ladies. You make us proud.
p.s. to the Major with USAA—thanks for your support! Good to know FEMCOM has one fan J
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By FEMCOM on
8/11/2010 2:36 PM
FEMCOM at Sea…
Rear Admiral Nora Tyson became the first woman to take command of a carrier strike group this month. She’ll be responsible for as many as 12 ships and 9000 sailors. Tyson’s flagship will be the carrier USS George H.W. Bush. When asked about her groundbreaking role by the www.CommercialAppeal.com (http://www.commercialappeal.com/news/2010/aug/01/admiral-tyson-aboard/) She answered, “Someone’s got to be first.” Yes they do Admiral. Congratulations Ma'am.
DACOWITS
Despite it’s name being the worst acronym in DoD, the Defense Department Advisory Committee on Women in the Service (shouldn’t that be DDACOWITS?), this committee is responsible for addressing issues that impact every woman wearing a uniform. Check out the website and learn more about what recommendations are coming up: http://dacowits.defense.gov/index.html
Afghan FEMCOM
Hats off to these 29 women who are seriously trailblazing by becoming the first females in the Afghan National Army, (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/afghanistan/7926376/Force-for-change-the-women-of-the-new-Afghan-army.html); but major boos and hisses to Col Abdul Rahim, the commander of the ANA's Officer Training Brigade in Kabul, who says, 'We need women to relieve men of certain administrative jobs, and we eventually hope that they will be able to become nurses and drivers. Also, it is important to show the advancement of Afghanistan to the rest of the world.' Yeah, Mr. Rahim, way to set the bar high for women’s rights.
The Tangled Webs…
Marine Cpl. Cesar Laurean will go to trial for allegedly killing Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach (http://www.military.com/news/article/trial-to-begin-in-pregnant-marine-death.html?ESRC=sm_todayinmil.nl). She said he raped her and was the father of her unborn child. He says the child was not his, but in the end her remains were found in a fire pit behind his house and he was on the run in western Mexcio.
A sad, sad tale. Some old schoolers will blame this on women having been allowed in the military. Can’t you just see them opining about how a good Marine’s career was ruined because some chick got knocked up?
Some women will come down hard on Lance Cpl. Maria Lauterbach. She shouldn’t have been sleeping with a married man, she should have reported the rape, she was a liar (post mortem DNA tests showed the child was not Laurean’s).
And somewhere in the middle lie the rest of us. Shaking our heads at the tragedy, wishing these were not the stories the public sees and uses to form their opinions about those of us in the military.
Ladies: please, please, please remind yourself that you are valuable, worthy and any man you date should be worthy of you. Never settle for someone else’s husband, or someone who may hurt you. There is a difference between someone giving you affection (which you deserve) and attention (which has nothing to do with affection).
“You look fine Maggie, just fine.”
In a sad note, actress Patricia Neal died this week after battling cancer. Neal is the inspiration for my pen name, with her gutsy yet feminine portrayal of Nurse LT Maggie Haynes in the movie “In Harm’s Way.” She made her character more than a nurse, and every bit a military woman. Patricia you were FEMCOM all the way and we will miss you.
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By FEMCOM on
5/19/2010 3:06 PM
I don’t think there is a woman in uniform who isn’t following the women on submarines issue closely. Regardless of service branch this development is interesting because it removes one of the last remaining walls holding up the glass ceiling for women in the military. And I would offer that the next wall to fall will be the women in combat issue.
For those of you just catching up, Secretary Gates has said women will begin training for submarine service as early as July and the time for Congress to oppose the policy came and went with nary an argument (at least not publically).
And the Navy is being smart by choosing the right women to be the trailblazers. Everyone remembers Shannon Faulkner, the girl who didn’t make it through one week at the Citadel but no one remembers Nancy Mace who was the first women to graduate from the Citadel in 1999. The first women on subs will be Academy grads who have proven their metal through four years of intensive schooling and who have a lot of practice living in close quarters with men who are their peers.
Now, some of the wives of today’s submariners may not be so excited for the change to take place. And frankly as a wife myself, I get that. However, let me point out one huge fact: submarines are SMALL. To be blunt, there is very little room for hanky panky unless your guy is into putting on a show. While surface ships provide oodles of nooks and crannies to hide away in, having sex on a submarine would be like trying to get it on in a port-a-potty during halftime at a football game with free beer. So to the wives and to the new female submariners, FEMCOM offers this piece of advice: make friends and fast. The best way to defeat suspicions and insecurities is too get to know one another and find out about their families. I promise you it will lead to a lot less tension in the years to come.
FEMCOM trusts in these women to understand what is at stake here. We know they feel the pressure to get this right and we will put our faith in them not to make stupid mistakes and mess around with a fellow shipmate. They will be like the majority of women in uniform today: focused on doing our jobs, and finding ways to excel and advance in the ranks.
Inevitably this experiment will have its ups and downs, its supporters and detractors. But what makes FEMCOM happy is the increased ability these women now have to perform, achieve and compete with their male peers. While the women in combat issue is not on the table at this time, it will be. It has to be. Mostly because women are in combat everyday in Afghanistan and in Iraq. And they deserve to be recognized for their contributions in the same manner as their male counter parts.
So to the women about to become bubbleheads, FEMCOM wishes you well and we’re rooting for you. Don’t screw it up.
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By FEMCOM on
3/19/2010 7:43 AM
Sea Mamas
When I was commissioned as a know-nothing ENS in the Navy I used to look at the women who were LTs or CDRs and think they must know EVERYTHING and here I was trying to memorize how to board a ship properly and accidentally saluting Chiefs (big mistake…I was properly “schooled” and have never done it since).
What saved me—and my career after a couple of really bad blunders-- was a series of Sea Mamas that saw fit to mentor and teach me not only the ways of Navy and military but how to survive as a female in a boys club.
These Yoda-like women weren’t official about it. There were no score cards or lessons. They just simply appeared and seemed to offer advice when I needed it most whether I asked them for it or not.
Now Sea Mamas may be a Navy term but I know each branch of service has something similar. And it occurs to me, as we celebrate Women’s History Month, that these Sea Mamas have been around since women were allowed to wear the uniform. And our tradition of banding together as women in service really started because of a few plucky women who shunned tradition and decided the armed forces might benefit from a little girl power.
Those WASPs, Nurses and WAVEs had to endure elocution classes and were expected to be ladies first, service members second. I assume they all had names like Mildred, Betty and Dolores.
When I imagine them sitting in their barracks at night I think of them discussing their work, who was going to date the hunky new LT and offering hints on how to keep stockings from getting runs in them.
Though in reality they probably talked about the same things FEMCOM discusses today: the long hours, low pay, terrible fitting uniforms and how to advance in rank or make the best of one’s career.
Those women and the ones who came after; the brave Vietnam and Korean-era women in service, the trailblazers at the academies and those breaking barriers into surface warfare, jets and ground commands and the women today who roll out in full battle rattle on convoys in Afghanistan and Iraq are Sea Mamas to us all. Showing by doing that we have a place in the nation’s defense regardless of what some may say.
So Happy Women’s History Month and for all you FEMCOM: be a Sea Mama as often as you can. You may just be mentoring the next female Chairman of the JCS….
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By FEMCOM on
2/12/2010 10:28 AM
Single Mothers and War
Today the Army announced it would be discharging Spc. Alexis Hutchinson, an Army cook stationed at Hunter Army Airfield in Savannah who refused to deploy because she said had no one to care for her 13 month old son.
All single parents and dual service parents are required to have a family care plan in place for exactly this type of situation. But apparently, her mother who was supposed to take the child, sent him back two weeks before her daughter’s deployment saying she couldn’t take care of him because she had too many other family members to look after.
Is it me or does something stink here?
Certainly there may be cases where someone literally has no one to take care of their kids. People with no family or new to an area who have no close friends. But ladies, come on. We all know with a war going on for 7 years and no end in sight that eventually this deployment thing is going to pop up. This is not a surprise or anything.
FEMCOM believes it’s a sad thing to be separated from your kids while deployed. But it’s also part of the job. That is why we take a good long hard look at that family care plan and make sure it’s exactly what we want and if there is a potential problem with that plan the time to address the issue is in that moment, not after you’ve received orders to deploy.
See, there is this little thing called obligation (ob-lah-GAE-shun: to render yourself in service to a person or organization) that we all take on when we raise our right hands and swear that oath. And what it means if you boil it all down is that we understand that what is normal for other people, no longer applies because we have chosen this life willingly.
Do I sound harsh? I don’t care. I have miles of empathy for any woman who has to leave her kids for war and I think it’s an issue DoD needs to study to find out what is really happening to families after 7 years of deployments. And I have kids myself. I know that pain of even thinking about being away from them for months on end.
But FEMCOM does not have sympathy for someone who joins and then expects the military to act like a civilian employer. Let’s not make the Army the villain here; they give everyone the same opportunities to figure out their family care plans. And with over 70,000 single parents in the military it seems like this is an isolated issue.
Reminder: when you join the military you are property of the U.S. Government. The simple fact is as much as DoD tries to improve quality of life and all that, we are at the end of the day, Government Issue. Was Spc. Hutchinson’s recruiter not clear about that, because mine was? She even walked out of the room for 5 minutes and gave me the chance to really think about what I was doing and what my signature meant.
So, FEMCOM would like to pass on talking anymore about Private (her new rank) Hutchinson and instead smartly salute her FEMCOM peers overseas who are missing their kids and making every effort to mother from half a world away. Heroes. That’s what you are, ladies. Absolute freakin’ heroes.
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By FEMCOM on
1/25/2010 3:04 PM
Recently a fellow FEMCOM-er was relating a very common tale. She had met the wife of one of her male colleagues and got the cold shoulder. To be fair, my friend is a knockout and I’m not sure I’d react well in that situation either given her annoying leggy-blondness; but all the same it was a tale I had heard and experienced before.
We both assume the wife’s coolness was because she thought the attractive female in uniform was going to try and steal her man. To which my witty FEMCOM friend commented, “She doesn’t need to worry—he’s not as cute or charming as she obviously thinks he is. Trust me, I’m not a threat.”
So ladies, FEMCOM would like to address this “situation” (as my southern friends say) that we all seem to know about but never speak of; and that is the tension between military women and the wives of the military men we work with. We always seem to whisper when the topic comes up…like we’re planning espionage or talking about cancer. What are we afraid of?
Well…(awkward pause)...them.
Yes, we are intimidated of the wives who smile politely and shake our hands at command events because we know that one jealous word from that spouse can have a ripple effect on our military careers that will last for years. There we said it.
Here is the deal: we know wives resent us for spending so much time with their husbands. And the non-FEMCOM women in uniform who casually throw around gems like “I’m his work-wife” just entrench us further in a cold war of politeness.
And from their side, I’m sure they are sick to death of the assumption that because they married military they are some sort of Stepford-esque shell of a woman.
In order to get to the bottom of this I consulted my friend and fellow CinCHouse contributor, Jacey Eckhart, for her thoughts on the “situation.” Jacey writes the Mandatory Fun column and is an expert military wife and sociologist.
She explained some of the tension comes from the fact that inherently women are programmed to be attracted to power. She shared how a former CO of her husband’s who she thought was very charming/attractive while in uniform and in command, turned out to be just another fashion challenged, middle-aged guy when she saw him after he had retired from the service.
From our conversation, I took away the understanding that wives are concerned the women their husband’s work with will only see the power, the uniform; and while the female co-workers sit doe eyed in the office with him, the wives have to deal with the real man underneath the uniform at home who forgets to take out the trash and thinks laundry is self-folding. I get that.
On the FEMCOM side, we feel like some wives only see us as someone their husbands might sleep with but they view their husband’s male colleagues as professional, educated peers.
I’m not gonna lie to you, that hurts.
Women in the military are inherently square pegs in round holes. So having the “cool” girls look down on you or treat you with suspicion or polite tolerance just seems to put a flashing neon sign on our foreheads that reads “DOES NOT BELONG.”
However, I will say that all signs point to a major shift taking place. Today’s military wife is (gasp!) often a former or current military service member herself. There are over 87,000 dual military couples in the service, which means the world of FEMCOM and the world of the wives are slowly merging.
Sure there are a handful of wives who seem convinced their husbands are Brad Pitt-like deities that no woman could ever resist, but in my 10 years in the service I’ve found there are way more smart, funny women who essentially serve for free as a military spouse.
These women are FEMCOM too; in fact I’m creating a whole new category. From here on out wives with the right FEMCOM stuff shall be designated FEMCOM-s (for “spouse). Jacey, please let your legions of fans know that FEMCOM has thrown open the door and invited the wives to be a part of our mission: world domination with mandatory cocktail hour. No I’m kidding, (kind of). Our goal is to bring together, and harness the power of women who are smart, strong, funny as hell, and support each other against all enemies, foreign and domestic.
Will we ever feel completely at ease with one another? Maybe not. But being honest about what bugs us is the FEMCOM way. Through honesty--and maybe a couple bottles of chardonnay--I think we’ll find we have a lot more in common than we think.
Wives: please understand we are not after your husbands. Yes, there may be some crazy apples in the barrel that will chase a married man across the country while wearing adult diapers; but they are the exception, not the norm.
FEMCOM: let’s try and understand where the wives are coming from and reach out to them more as friends. Let’s find out what their first names are instead of just seeing them as an extension of their spouses.
Most importantly, let’s remember that each of us is serving our country in our own way and give each other the respect we all deserve.
FEMCOM: sound off. What are your thoughts and experiences with military wives?
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By FEMCOM on
12/29/2009 2:08 PM
Welcome to FEMCOM, the blog for all you women warriors out there. FEMCOM was a code name several of us Navy gals used to describe our friendship. We were the Feminine Command, a group of professional Navy women who made the choice to embrace the military as a career and as a lifestyle. Our mission was to support and defend each other against all enemies foreign and domestic while maintaining our sense of humor. Once word got around that we existed, our women peers were jumping at the chance to join. In fact, a couple male colleagues said they would like to establish a MANCOM to which I replied "You have MANCOM, it's called the U.S. military."
Those original FEMCOM ladies were smart, talented, professional and wicked funny. We bonded over our shared hatred of the uniforms that gave extra acreage to our behinds, we kept a running list of the "overly friendly" males in our commands and the equally dangerous non-FEMCOM women who could not be trusted; we gave each other valuable career advice and mentorship and we laughed our you-know-whats off at the sometimes insane situations that evolve from being a woman in uniform.
This blog will cover all those aspects of being a female in uniform; the funny, the sad, the hopeful. Also, I don't hate men. Let's just get that out there right now. But because of the ratio of men to women in the military it's only logical that some of the posts will deal with some of the, ah....frustrations....we women in uniform sometimes face when dealing with our male peers. That is not to say some men don't have the FEMCOM gene. I've had many wonderful male mentors in the Navy. Frankly I think it's up to FEMOCM to help groom more of those types in our military.
So dear sisters, I am inviting you to become the next generation of FEMCOM. The rules are simple: you must be a woman in the military past or present, and you must have a sense of humor. Anyone with a personality similar to a contestant on "The Bachelor" will not enjoy this blog.
With that invitation out there let's get to the first actual topic on this blog: knocked up GIs. Yup. It's everywhere. Recap: Maj. Gen Tony Cuculo recently said he would court martial any female and her partner in his command for getting pregnant while deployed in a war zone. He then backed off those statements when pressed by the media. Cue the talk radio frenzy and the misogynists versus the women's libbers.
Let's be honest here ladies, FEMCOM knows it's a bad idea to get pregnant when deployed. Now there are those who honestly get pregnant by accident. They went on antibiotics, or their stash of birth control got lost or eaten by rats. We give those ladies a pass. Things happen, especially in a war zone.
But there are some women who get pregnant on purpose to avoid a deployment, or to get a free pass home. Those women are not FEMCOM. Avoiding pregnancy is actually very easy (unless you are raped).
Outside of the obvious option of not engaging in sex there are a myriad of birth control options; it's an entire industry. Plain and simple: these women made bad choices and intentionally ignored the guidance to not get pregnant while deployed. In my experience when you disobey direct guidance you get in trouble. Why are we giving these women a pass? And why are we beating down the general for making a very sound command decision? Because the risk-averse military of today is afraid it will make them seem like they are intolerant of women. They might have to take down those posters they made for "Women in the Military" month.
My sarcasm is due to the total hypocrisy of the situation. Here is a general saying his playing field is level. No one gets a pass if someone gets pregnant and we treat him like he's asking these women fetch him some coffee and patting them on the behind. He's doing more for women in the service by holding everyone to the same standard than any DoD policy or smaltzy program could.
Worse yet, the issue is getting so much attention that few people are pointing out the thousands upon thousands of women who serve everyday without getting pregnant or who do get pregnant but plan it accordingly into their career paths. My point is there are a whole lot more women in the military doing it right than doing it wrong, but now we're all being painted with the same brush.
FEMCOM thinks the Gen. should throw the book at them and their partners. We give him props for having the guts to treat men and women equally when it comes to sex and pregnancy. And from a tactical standpoint, this is a general who made a bold move to help ensure he has enough man or woman power to do his job. I say give the man another star.
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