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As an Air Force brat, Jacey Eckhart grew up swearing she would never enter the military or marry anyone who did. Of course, she married the first Navy guy she ever met. Eighteen years later, she and her husband Brad have moved 13 times. Tackled five deployments. Raised three kids. And Jacey has written over 400 columns that encourage, empower and entertain military families everywhere.
As an Air Force brat, Jacey Eckhart grew up swearing she would never enter the military or marry anyone who did. Of course, she married the first Navy guy she ever met. Eighteen years later, she and her husband Brad have moved 13 times. Tackled five deployments. Raised three kids. And Jacey has written over 400 columns that encourage, empower and entertain military families everywhere.
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August 20, 2010 
By Jacey EckhartThe phenomenon of Geographic Bachelors--those guys who move to their new duty station and leave their families behind--has always puzzled me. Now that Brad and I are going the GeoBach route during the next year, I'm more curious than ever. Because there is no way that this is easier for families. It can't possibly be costing the military less money. So where is the research? Where are the numbers? Why isn't GeoBach one of those military social problems under intense scrutiny? Got me. I had to make up my own reasons why this is one phenom the military doesn't really want to know anything about. 1. The phrase Geographic Bachelor must sound kinda sexy. If the military acknowledges geographic bachelors, then probably everyone will want equal access to their renewed bachelorhood benefit. Too bad the part of bachelorhood they get back is the shackin' up with four other guys in a scrappy apartment courting scurvy. What a retention tool. 2. Sad old guys shuffling around at the Q is not as interesting to scientists as battle weary warriors. GeoBach is a peripheral issue. It is often undertaken by senior NCOs and upper-level officers. These folks already have the retirement buy-in. They will suffer in silence. So why do I keep meeting more mid-level dudes going GeoBach-even after combat duty? What does that mean? 3. Wrong name. "Geographic Bachelorhood" sounds like it happens to one person--the servicemember. That's just plain silly. We should more accurately call participants Geographic Families and acknowledge this pattern happens to the whole family. 4. Like counting cats in a sack. Nothing is harder to count than Geographic Families. There isn't a number the DoD can pull up out of a computer. Besides what is the definition? Are you a GF if you are apart for a month? Is there a difference from being apart to go to a school than from a deploying command? Are you still GF if you have lived apart five years? Nobody knows. Nobody asks. 5. Not enough time on earth to listen to windy explanations. There is no simple answer to why a family chooses GF. Ask the question and Geographic Families will pin you down for an hour rehearsing their entire decision including the exact amount of their mortgage, why they thought buying a house was a good idea three years ago, the educational concerns of their kids, the unit's schedule, their mom's health, blah, blah, blah. Researchers would single-handedly keep Excedrin in business. 6. Secretly think that geographic families are in a trial divorce and don't even know it. Powers that be must think anyone who chooses to live apart on purpose must be getting divorced. Surely military people couldn't be so dumb? Or hard-pressed between greedy family and greedy career? It is so much easier to look away, Boys. Look away. 7. Fun to pretend all duty stations are exactly the same. Some duty stations seem to incur more GF than others. This could very well be due to less desirable school systems, costly housing, proximity to opportunities for spouse employment. And how are we supposed to fix that? 8. Civilian creep. In this economy, folks go where the job is. Sometimes this means that even in civilian families are GF. College professors take a job in Virginia when their kids are finishing high school in South Carolina. Engineers take a job in Pakistan, Iraq or Saudi Arabia to keep their toddlers in Cheerios. Moms and Dads travel every weekday and only make it home for weekends. If we wait long enough, surely some civilian person will look into how this affects families and we can just use that info. 9. Teenage revolt. Education has always been important to people raising kids in the military culture. Now that every event in high school counts toward college acceptance, the price teens pay to change high schools because of a parent's career can be too high. 10. Can't decide whether GF is another positive adaptation by Spartan military families. Or a bad idea. Or both. Among GF s, the consensus seems to be that the actual commute and communication and cost is awful. But after the GF tour is done, few senior families admit that it wasn't worthwhile to live apart for what they got in return. Really? I mean, really? Being logical about Geographic Families is not easy. It is not an easy decision to make and it is not an easy decision to live with. We could sure use some better information from families of all ages who have experienced a GF tour. If you'd like to share your story or your tips, please email me at jacey@jaceyeckhart.com. Or join the Facebook Group "Geographic Families." Let's do for each other what we can. Jacey Eckhart is a military life consultant in Washington, DC. She is the author of "The Homefront Club" and the voice behind the award-winning CD "These Boots." Facebook Jacey or contact her at jacey@jaceyeckhart.com.
Monday, August 23, 2010 11:29 AM
Great column!! Geo-baching is a huge emerging issue. Would love to see what if anything DoD will do to address the unintended consequences.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010 10:27 AM
After 17 years in the Navy, my husband has had to become a geographical bachelor. Jacey you are correct, this was not an easy decision to make. We moved to Virginia in 2005 decided to buy a house in 2007 because my husband had 5 years left to retire and that was the length of time he had left at his command at that time. In the end of 2008 my husband was unexpectedly transferred off the ship due to medical reasons and was put on shore duty for a couple of months. After he was cleared to resume sea duty he was given orders to a ship that was in the shipyard which we thought at that time was for another 2 years, it turned out to be less than a year and was going to move homeports to San Diego in January of 2010. The information that was given to us by the detailer was incorrect, which is another problem in the system, detailers are trying to fill these billets anyway they can. Detailers have now turned into used car salesmen. So we had to get together as a family and make the best decision we could. Should be we sell our house that has just lost tremendous value due to the economy and be financially strapped for years, or rent out our home where we would not get enough to pay for our mortage and pay for a rented place in San Diego or does my husband become a geobach??? We decided to go the geobach route and let me tell you it has not been easy at all!! It is harder financially because your spouse is having to live elsewhere which means in our case he had to purchase a car to get around in and some other cases rent an apartment. That takes away financially from the spouse who is left behind having to take care of mortgage, house/car repairs, and all other expenses that come with owning a home and having a family. My husband will be a geobach for almost 3 years!! How does the military expect a family to live that way! I have talked to other spouses that have had to make this decision and all have said the same thing, they would not wish this on anyone. The geobach phenomenan really needs to be looked at by military officials because it is happening more and more. Thanks for letting me vent :)
Wednesday, September 01, 2010 12:35 PM
My husband (25 at the time) and I(19 at the time) were a geographical family in the earlier years of our marriage. For many reasons it worked and didn't work for us. I was still in college and living in Mississippi at the time, so it only made sense for me to stay behind in MS when he recieved orders to San Diego. Yes, in the beginning it worked,it was expensive but for me to finish the Medical Technology program was more important than the cost of money. Had I transfered my education credits to San Diego, I would have had to start the MT program all over . For it's a start finish kind of program. With that said, my husband then 8 year old son was living with me, so I became an instant in the sense of the word "single" parent. That made the situation worse dealing with his mother whom saw me as some kind of threat or something. Other, than that, my hubby flew home to see us as often as possible, and when I was out of school and stepson the same, we flew to see him. However, we did on several occasions discussed divorce due to the lack of communication and time spent as well as outside influences. This went on for the remaining of the 2 years I had left in school. We have now been married for 7 years and is considering this for our family again, for we lived in Virginia for the last 2 years, and found ourselves back in San Diego. With the unemployment rate and economy spiraling down hill, we were not mentally prepared for the possibility of myself not being able to find work, with the cost of living here in San Diego, and having my stepson whom is now 15 and having a 6 month old daughter, we find our selves saying it may be worth my son, daughter and I to move back to VA where I could return to my old employer and start working. Finacially we are now living pay check to pay check after exhausting all of our savings, I was unable to get unemployment due to VA not seeing my husband being stationed in San Diego as a legitamite reason to quit my job. Did not find that out until after moving to San Diego, with that said, our marriage is once again struggling due arguments over finances. Do I think it's greed that stems this yes and no, but financial arguments along with other outside influences are really weakening our marriage, we're even going to counseling for this. So do I think Geographical Families are the smart thing to do, NO, but do I think it's sometimes the only option YES!
Friday, September 03, 2010 3:53 AM
Okay, this is just getting weird.
Monday, September 06, 2010 11:56 AM
I think this is an excellent article and topic. Last year my husband had TAD orders from CA to FL for 6 months. I was working 2 dead end jobs in order to pay for school and never got to visit my family in FL. So when he got orders to FL I decided to pack all our stuff into a storage unit and move back with family while I finished school since there were satellite campuses at 2 of the bases in FL for my school. I packed, and cleaned, for 2 weeks I turned in the keys friday, and we were all going to fly out monday. Sunday night they postponed/cancelled his orders....(we thought it would be temporary and he'd be sent in a month or so). Without a house and having already registered and paid for my classes & flight I had to go ahead to FL. We spent almost 8 months apart (had to find a place to live before moving back). His orders are still on postponement...he still should be going but a year later we're still waiting and this time I won't be able to go with him so we are definitely looking at 6 more months of separation. Basically, (and this may be THE reason or just another reason) but I don't think the military wants to look at GFs is that in a lot of the scenarios it is their piss poor planning or mostly their fault we have to take the route of being separated. During the time apart we spent so much money on cross-country airline tickets that it used up all of our extra money (that we weren't putting into rent, utilities, etc.) Hopefully someone does a study on this soon. It wreaks havoc on a relationship I'm just thankful we didn't have children to add to the mix!
Thursday, October 28, 2010 10:40 PM
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