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March 05, 2009 
By Janet Farley
Maybe you’ve been there, done that and earned a number of deployment t-shirts already. Perhaps not. In any event, a little inspiration designed to see one through the long haul never hurts.
Use and abuse the following tips, not listed in any particular order of importance, to help you make that the time in between the times that matter the most to you go by just a little faster.
- Be a joiner in your unit’s family readiness group. There, you will not only find the support and friendship of others sharing the same experience, but you will also be among the first to learn of any noteworthy news.
- Enroll in a certificate or degree program. You will not only keep busy with the books but you will be making yourself more marketable for the future as well. Research military spouse-specific scholarships and grants to defray the cost.
- Perfect the art of rollerblading. Or quilting. Or antiquing. Try whatever you think may bring you inner happiness and do it shamelessly.
- Train to run a marathon or walk around the mall five times.
- Lose that last 10 pounds once and for all. And just in time for homecoming.
- Befriend the new girl in the unit. She needs it.
- Go shopping but don’t go crazy shopping. You don’t need more debt.
- Try on a new haircut or color for a change.
- Be an everyday hero by volunteering to help out in your community.
- Email your loved one every day. Tell him how much you love him, miss him and can’t wait for him to come home.
- Avoid sequestering yourself away from the general public. It’ll just bring you down.
- Ask for help when you need it and know that everyone needs it sometimes.
- Don’t overbook yourself in the name of keeping busy. You’ll only stress yourself out more.
- Just breathe. Breathing is good. In. Out. In. Out. Lower that heart rate and repeat “this too shall pass.”
- Plan a girl’s night out and make enjoying yourself the number one priority.
- Take up that a new hobby.
- Live your life and avoid sitting by the phone in hopes of his call. He will call. You may be there, or you may not, but he will call again.
- Make a care package and send to your sweetheart. Include gifts, letters and pictures from his darling offspring.
- Read the classics or get your fill of mindless junk, whichever works for you.
- Rent and watch every chick flick you’ve ever wanted to, but haven’t seen yet.
- Resist the urge to move back home with your parents. Visit them instead. It will make everyone happier in the long run.
- Plan a trip to someplace you’ve always wanted to go and do it.
- Get a new job or get yourself promoted on your old one.
- Keep your sweetie in everyone's thoughts and conversations daily even if he can't be there in person.
- Don’t be a news junkie. It will just make you crazy.
- Save money towards a particular goal for your family or just for the two of you.
- Send him a spicy letter with a one redeemable coupon for _________ (you fill in the blank).
- Do something nice for yourself once a week without fail. Have your nails done. Get a massage. Splurge on a pedicure. Eat out a nice restaurant. You deserve it.
- Focus on your kids if you have them. They need the most now.
- Accept that some days will just suck, some worse than others, and get on with it.
- If you don’t live near an installation and think everyone around you is clueless about life in the military, clue them in.
- Start a journal and faithfully record your thoughts, feelings, fears and joys.
- Create a countdown calendar and enjoy seeing each day pass that brings you closer. This might be especially helpful for younger children who don’t quite have a grasp on the concept of time.
- Accept that he won’t always sound happy when you do hear from him.
- Dig way down deep inside of yourself and know that you will make it through this tough time.
Janet Farley, Ed.M Freelance writer specializing in Careers & Workplace Issues Author, The Military Spouse's Complete Guide to Career Success (Impact Publications, Jan 2008) and The Military-to-Civilian Career Transition Guide (Jist Inc). Visit my website at www.janetfarley.com
Friday, March 06, 2009 9:32 AM
This list is so great and it at least gives me something to look forward too once my man leaves....
Sunday, March 08, 2009 10:27 PM
Thank you so much for this list! This is my first deployment and I know it is not going to be the last. Thank you again!!
Monday, March 09, 2009 9:08 AM
Yeah I appreciate all that your article says. It is going to be hard for me to be away from my boo boo. Like CamoKnight this is my first time to see him go and I am going to be so lonely. So I need to know good tips and have good friends to get me through.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009 11:11 PM
Thank you for the tips Some of thoses things I have been doing exspecailly sitting and waiting by the phone this is our first deploment and I am going to really try to do some of the things that you said thank you for the help
Monday, March 30, 2009 9:26 PM
This list is GREAT! Now I feel better and know that I'm not the only one having these feeling and acting a little different. This is my first deployment and I'm trying really hard not to let it get the best of me.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009 9:58 AM
My Husband will be leaving in August. This will be the first time that my husband and I will be apart in 19 years. It's going to be so hard. Thank you for the tips. I am going to make that countdown calendar for the kids and a copy for my husband. Thank you so much for the advice!
Saturday, April 04, 2009 9:04 PM
That list is wonderful. I have been through a few deployments with my husband but currently dealing with his second 6 month deployment. I am 27 weeks pregnant and we still have a long way to go before he is home (except for that ten day paternity leave). I must say I have had my share of down deployments and doing many of the things on the list does help with getting through. Another good thing to remember is if your feeling down chances our your Sailor is too. Misery loves company and can rub off on each other. So having a good attitude will help the both of you get through it.
Sunday, April 26, 2009 12:23 AM
I love this!
Saturday, May 09, 2009 2:37 PM
I like this list too. Mine will come home from his 1st tour in a few months, and I can't tell you how much doing some of the things in here will help you keep your sanity. I'm plannig for a wedding August 4th when he gets his leave, and what's funny is, I don't like weddings. Its so important to focus on something, takeup hobbies, talk to family and friends. It's so easy to get caught up in the isolation/depression part of deployment. Get out! Experience life! Your servicememeber would want you to. Also, I agree with Showers. Try and be happy for them when you are able to talk. They miss you just as much if not more. Good attitudes go far.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009 12:58 AM
this was great! this is my first deployment and the first time ever being apart from my DF. but these tips are extremely helpful..THANKS!!
Sunday, May 31, 2009 10:47 PM
oh wow these are really going to help me specially cause i just moved out of my parents house and im a state away from my home town, so i have no friends or anyone around and ive been just sitting up in my apartment for about 3-4 weeks now by myself and will be for another 2 weeks while my husband is away for pre deployment training :(
Wednesday, June 03, 2009 9:36 PM
Thank you! this is also our 1st deployment. We have a baby 1 1/2 and i am going to nursing school. I cry non stop. I am so stressed and so worried that he will not come back. HELP me please !! I was doing better today until about an hour ago
Wednesday, August 12, 2009 11:50 PM
This is a good list,some I can`t do we moved to Alaska then my husband left for deployment we bought a house about an hour from post, I do not have any friends and the winter`s here are not good so I am afraid to leave my house and drive anywhere in the snow! I am in college online but all my neighbors keep to themselves and the FRG here never lets me know when anything is going on even if they did I don`t know I would drive for an hour to get there. I am trying my best but this year deployment is so hard. Wish the deployments did not have to be for a year at a time!!
Friday, August 14, 2009 11:57 AM
I am so happy and relieved to have found this site. I was reading the military wives handbook last night and this website was mentioned in it. This is my first deployment and my husband and I have only been married almost 9 months so everything seems so fresh and new. This list is so great and it actually made me smile because the last few days have been the toughest because we literally just began our 12-month deployment last week. I will be taking lots of tips from this list. Thank you!!
Monday, September 07, 2009 9:31 PM
Is it normal to argue more during deployment ??? I hate it but it truly seems that I'm alot more moody. I let my fear of his being unfaithful rule my thoughts, ex: if he doesn't call.... is he with someone or spending his time talking to someone else ?? I was cheated on in my first marriage, is this just old fears rearing their ugly heads again ???
Tuesday, September 22, 2009 10:00 PM
These are all good tips and alot pf these tips are already in my book of deployment survival kit. This will be our first deployment as a married couple but his 6th deployment. Hopefully this will be his last or maybe not. Which ever he's my hero and I love him and he's going to be somebody else hero in two months hooah
Sunday, September 27, 2009 11:18 PM
My DH is not deploying till next Fall(2010), but I am already getting nervous and sometimes make myself sick from it. We live 1300 miles from both of our families and have talked about me moving into an apartment closer to them. I am expecting our second in April and that will leave me with a 3 year old and a 6 month old. Our FRG is new and just getting started, but I am taking an active part in it. I know that I will go insane a few times while he is gone but I know that if I keep myself busy with myself and the kids then hopefully it will be easier.
Sunday, October 04, 2009 2:16 PM
Ugh, thanks for this. My husband isn't deployed yet, but is on his way out shortly. And I am at a complete loss as to what the hell I'm going to do. This list actually mad me cry, no idea why though. We have a two year old, and just the training has been such a hard thing. I will keep all of these things in mind. I have definitely taken the "lock yourself in the house" route which is really not working out for me or my daughter.
Thursday, February 25, 2010 3:21 PM
Thanks. My love is deploying for his first time in about a month. We both are so terrified. Last night we just talked for hours on the phone trying to calm each other down. We talk pretty much every day. Its going to be hard getting used to that not happening. It is hard for one, because we arent married, and for two i cant really go see him often. I am in school all the time, so I cant afford it nor can i miss school. I would like to see him once before he leaves but I dont know how that will happen. I think I will need as much help as I can get once he deploys.
Saturday, March 06, 2010 1:34 AM
my DH is also deploying in a few months and i still have to move to his post! were in a time crunch here before he leaves and this will help since ill be new on post AND hell be gone.. LOVE the one about NOT lving with your parents. I am living with my mother now and it is no good.. she is Mothering.... not helping.. and i am down. ugh yuch. thanks for the tips.. ill check them out and try to use all of them when he leaves my side once again.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010 10:07 PM
This is the first time my husband has been away from me and the whole time I have felt like i'm not being strong enough for him. Seeing other military spouses on base and at home, they all seem so content and happy when their husbands are away. Like it's normal. It has made me feel even worse about everything...more depressed. Then I found this web site, read this article and the comments and for once I feel like i'm not the only one who feels like this...thanks! It has really helped a lot!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010 8:25 PM
I like but disagree on moving back in with your parents. I agree that would be hard if you had kids, but thats what I have done and am volunteering and taking classes here while living back at my parents house and I couldn't have survived this long without my family.
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