My father-in-law got hold of my DH's credit report (they have the same name and apparently FIL's bank is confused as DH used to bank there as well) and he has been making comments about our score, how much available credit we have, why we don't have any debt, and he wants to know if we don't have any debt, why we can't afford to come visit more or split the cost of their tickets to visit us?

His MIL always asks how much DH makes and how we spend it. When my FIL and DH banked at the same place, mail was often sent to the wrong houses, and MIL would always open DH's mail, even though she knew it was DH's and not FIL's, and would then grill us about where we were spending our money.

Am I rude  for not wanting to give them the details of our finances? A few of the AF wives that I'm friendly with tell me to just give them the info to get them off our backs, which I can kind of understand, but I just don't think our in-laws (or my parents) need to know anything about our financial situation. We don't ask them for money, we don't owe them money, and we don't ask them to cover any bills or expenses for us, so I don't understand their intense curiosity.

My question is this: do you think in-laws have a right to know the details of your finances? How much debt you have, how much in savings you have, what your bills are every month, what your income is, how you spend your money, what your credit score is, etc etc?

N-O...NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
I wish there was another way to say it! NO! It is not their business, not their business!!!! lol

We have dealt with similar issues and finally siad, it is our money will do with it as we like but the pertinent details are not pertinent to you.

It is NO ONES business but your own, I would call the bank or your bank and put something out there where people need far more information to access your credit report, so that this doesn't happen to you again.

As for splitting the cost of tickets and visiting people more. We tell people we don't visit because we have other things to do. and splitting the cost...if they are in a terrible financial spot and there is something important happening then yes I would help. Like when my DH winged, we helped some family come out for the ceremony. But an everyday visit, they should pay for because they are the ones going on vacation.

None of their business. The only people who needs the answers to those questions is you and your husband. If you wanna share with the world, fine, but that is not the norm.

It's nobody's business except of course a lender if you are asking for a loan. Most people don't share that stuff and would just say, "NUNYA!" I think it's rude when other people ask about it but it's never rude not wanting to share your personal information.

Agree with the other two.
My and DH's finances are our business, and our business only. If we were in the situation (thank goodness we're not) where we needed to borrow money from the ILs (or my parents, wouldn't matter), then they would have the right to ask us for some personal financial information.

Wow..hell to the no I wouldn't give it to my own parents let alone him!!
Is it not a federal offence to open someone else's mail? I would have flipped my lid and I would be calling these companies about it.

do you think in-laws have a right to know the details of your finances? How much debt you have, how much in savings you have, what your bills are every month, what your income is, how you spend your money, what your credit score is, etc etc?

Heck no, our parents do NOT have a right to know the details of our finances - that goes for my parents AND his parents.

That said - I do discuss our finances with my dad occasionally, to get advice on certain things. But they absolutely do NOT have access to our credit report/scores, or bills, or our debt, etc. They get a very limited picture, based on what advice I'm asking for at the time. My mom and dad have done very well for themselves, and a large part of that is because of how my dad invests, which is a part of the financial picture I"m uncomfortable with. That's teh only reason I discuss finances with him ever.

None of our parents would EVER look at our credit score (if they had access), or ask us about bills/income/debt, etc. And if they did, we would not ever feel obligated to share. You certainly should never feel obligated. I also agree with making sure that the credit companies know the mixups that have been made regarding your DH and his dad, and make sure they're giving the right information to the right person. That is a HUGE deal for credit companies, regarding privacy, and they need to know they're giving info to the wrong person.

Nope nope nope. Only your business. Did they know your husbands money info before you were married? maybe it is a habit they just haven't gotten away from. No matter what the reason it is not ok. You need to make it clear to them that you aren't comfortable discussing money with them. I am not really sure how they would get his credit report by "mistake" because don't you need to use a SS number to get a report like that. Which of course they could have because he is their son. Seem a little fishy to me.

Someone else had used the word "Rude" and thats exactly what this is. Extremely rude.

My theory is if I don't owe you money, what I do with my money is my business, not yours. I don't care who it is.

THANK YOU!!!!

I thought their constant asking was rude and unnecessary, but other wives were acting like I was the one with a problem ("Why don't you want to tell them? Are you embarassed about something, or do you have something to hide?") I have nothing to hide, and am rather proud of how we completely turned around our financial situation in two years, but I don't want anyone else knowing the nitty gritty details!

I think part of it might be that they're constantly having to bail out his married-with-children older sister who spends money irresponsibly...but even so, that doesn't give them a right to pry into OUR finances!

We no longer bank with the same bank FIL uses. The only difference in their name is that DH has a middle name and FIL does not. No "jr" or anything...so of course a lot of times, they get mixed up. MIL and FIL really didn't think the name thing through. MIL used to claim "Oh, I didn't see the middle initial there" when she opened DH's bank statements. It steamed me up at the time, but since we switched banks, we haven't had that problem. Apparently when FIL rented a car during his visit here, the company ran a credit check using his debit card...and somehow they pulled DH's credit! So we're now trying to get that figured out.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who wants to keep the finances between the people with their names on the account!!!

Unfortunately if they have the same first and last name, even though the SSN is different, it can still show up on each other's credit. Or if there is some total stranger with the same name it can happen. DH used to get collection calls all the time for another guy with the same name.

First things first, I'd remind MIL that it is illegal to open mail that is not your own without consent.

My parents or mother in law do not know our financial situation. Sure, they ask the occasional, "Are you guys doing okay with money?" but what parent wouldn't ask their child that. Other than that finances are not discussed unless we are willing to discuss it. Frankly, if my MIL or my parents were prying into our business like that I would straight up tell them it isn't there business or retaliate with asking them how their financial situation is.

Oh Heck nooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

would it be okay to know everything about your parents finances? Woooweee I'm glad I wasn't in ur shoes because the fangs would be out!

Posted By MissMuffet87 on 07 Jul 2011 12:47 PM
  Frankly, if my MIL or my parents were prying into our business like that I would straight up tell them it isn't there business or retaliate with asking them how their financial situation is.

I might do this the next time my MIL starts prying into our business.

Ugh, so rude! It is not okay to ask - especially after you've made it clear. I agree with a PP, I ask my dad's advice on all kinds of things still but my parents would never pry. Cut the apronstrings there MIL. geez!

Wow that is so rude and wrong in so many ways.

To start with, I would be changing banks and making it very clear to the former back why you refuse to bank with them! Next, I would buy MIL a copy of Emily Post and tactfully remind her how incredibly rude it is to ask about money!

WOW!!!!! I agree with the others here, this is way beyond rude!