PTSD for Spouses: Are you suffering from compassion fatigue?

By Kerry McGinley

Month after month, Jenny* finds herself at a remembrance ceremony. She knows she owes it to her friends, neighbors and fellow spouses to be there to support families whose beloved soldier returned from the front in a flag-draped coffin. As difficult as the services are, she takes comfort in offering comfort to others.

“They’re very honorable ceremonies,” she said. “[The families] have the community wrap their arms around them. There, you can cut the emotion with a knife.”

She knows she’s lucky; her husband is still fighting. But Jenny now finds herself fighting her own battle, one against the grief and pain that’s invaded her community of military families. Although her own family is intact, Jenny is still losing ground to the onslaught of other people’s pain.

Like so many military spouses, she’s working to support families who are reeling from the shock and agony of the death of a loved one. And like so many others, Jenny is starting to suffer from the trauma that’s hitting so many homes around her but has yet to strike her personally. She’s depressed, plagued with nightmares, has trouble sleeping, suffers anxiety attacks and feels emotionally disconnected.
   
“I think ‘numb’ is a good word,” she said of her mental state. “You’re trying to continue, because you know you have to continue on. There’s not an end in sight any time soon.”

Jenny shows signs of compassion fatigue, which is close kin to post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s basically vicarious PTSD; although, Jenny herself has not lost a loved one, she’s taken on the grief of those around her who are hemorrhaging emotionally.

“They get burned out and take on other people’s grief,” said Julie Storey, a clinical psychologist who recently separated from the Air Force. “It’s not just that they burn out and withdraw, they burn out and feel guilt. There’s some emotional consequences. It’s taking on some of that grief and some of those symptoms [of grieving families].”

*Jenny’s name has been changed to protect her privacy.