Is Your Military Man a Fake?

The story of Eric Cooper, the Houston man who claimed to be a Navy pilot and duped nine women into marrying him, must terrify the thousands of women who date men claiming to be in the military.  To make matters worse, many of these relationships develop over the Internet when the service member is on deployment, leaving girlfriends feeling helpless to check the backgrounds of their sweethearts.

The good news is I know many military couples who successfully met or dated over the Internet or through whirlwind romances.  In fact, I just got back from another friend’s wedding in Vegas.  The life-or-death intensity of deployments seems to make military folks focus on the really important things in life. 

So how do you know your guy is for real?  You have more tools than you think.

Most fakes try to impress women by claiming to be part of the high profile groups like Navy SEALs or Delta Force.  So start by asking about his daily job.  In reality, there are very few special forces operators and pilots and far more aviation mechanics and ground crews.  Most non-pilots in the military don’t usually lie and say that they are pilots – they’ll say that they are Navigators, gunners or some other part of a plane’s crew.
If your man initially claims he works in aviation, he should clarify when pressed that he is a navigator or works in the air crew.  It doesn’t sound as sexy as “pilot”, but he’s actually quite a catch.

Beware the 19 year old who says he’s a lieutenant. Officers are required to have a college degree so unless he skipped a few grades and graduated from college at 16, he’s yanking your chain. Similarly, beware the guy how claims to have some grandiose or over-inflated rank like Senior Master Gunnery Petty Officer 1st Class. You can easily look up military ranks and other information on the Department of Defense web site at http://www.defenselink.mil. Keep in mind, the higher the rank, the longer it takes to get there – you can’t become a Colonel or a Master Chief Petty Officer at age 25.

Ask your man the specific name of his specific command and do a Google search for it. Although a true blue service member may be stationed at Fort Benning, he should respond that his command is the 317th Engineering Battalion or the 598th Maintenance Company, two of the many commands on Fort Benning. Most bases and commands have web sites where you can easily verify this information, and all officers are given business cards.  For extra measure, you can check the names of the commanding officers and staff to see if his boss is who he says.

If you’re out on a date or see a picture of your guy, dreamily ask about his ‘chest candy’ – the medals and ribbons that tell the tales of his heroic deeds.  This should be his opportunity to brag, but if your man says he received anything with the word ‘congressional’ in it, run as fast as you can.  There is only one Congressional Medal of Honor and only about 50 living people own it.  On the other hand, if your guy starts spewing weird-sounding acronyms for his awards like ‘muck,’ ‘nam’ and ‘com,’ you’ve got a winner.  A ‘muck’ is a Meritorious Unit Commendation or MUC, a common ribbon on the chests of many sailors and Marines.

To follow up on the medals, ask your guy questions about his training and experience. Where did he do boot camp? What about officer candidate school? Ask about deployments and where he’s been. A fraud may avoid those questions by claiming that he’s in some super secret intelligence field that restricts him from talking about his career or assignments. That should raise your suspicions. The vast majority of soldiers, airmen, sailors and marines do not have top secret jobs and there is no reason not to tell you what they’ve done in the service (within reason, of course) but usually they’ll tell you where they’ve been, when and then politely omit things they shouldn’t divulge.

Acronyms and jargon are also great tools for researching the validity of your guy’s claims.  If your Air Force officer claims to fly F-14, you’ll know he’s a liar because F-14s are a Navy jet.  If your Navy SEAL exclaims “Yahoo!” instead of “Hoo-yah!” be sure to pour your drink in his lap before you leave.

All of this information can be verified on the Internet, particularly on specilize veterans sites (just google 'fake SEALS) and the Department of Defense web site at www.defenselink.mil. But if you still have questions, go to a military-friendly chat group such as those found on CinCHouse.com or call your local recruiter office.   

Eric Cooper’s story was immediately transparent to most military folks:

•    Houston does not have a Navy base
•    Cooper claimed to fly an F-16 jet (an Air Force plane)
•    Most service members do not stay in one location for longer than three years (much less ten)
•    The military does not issue personal vehicles to service members (Cooper claimed the government provided him with a truck)

Too bad his nine wives didn’t do their homework.