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January 15, 2010 
By Sarah Sandifer
The other day my husband and I were in a store looking for a snow shovel and he saw some gloves by the display. He mentioned that he doesn’t need gloves because he has some from his last deployment They still have Afghanistan dust on them They’ve even touched Taliban terrorists.
Excuse me? You’ve touched bad guys? I’m aware of what he does when he goes overseas, I know he’s been close to them, I know he’s been in their houses... but touched them? There was something about breaking the physical barrier that didn’t sit well with my heart.I It brought in a new element that I was not okay with and I can’t explain why. And all of this came out in the middle of Lowe’s Home Improvement Store.
Deployments are weird. Your spouse leaves for an amount of time and then returns home a new person with new experiences, some of which can be vocalized while some you can only read in the new lines on his face. All of this change took place while you were living a life entirely on your own.
It is easy to let resentment, bitterness, and fear seep into your heart to fill the void left in your husband’s absence. Instead of reaching over to grab his hand while driving, there is an empty seat. Instead of being able to snuggle closer on a cold night, your queen-sized bed is only occupied on one side. Instead of being able to vent to your hubby after a hard day at work, you are left with the blank stare of your Golden Retriever who just doesn’t understand.
Being the one left behind is a gut-wrenching, scary, heartbreaking thing. It is not desirable. News reports reinforce that fact. Attending parties solo reinforces that fact. Figuring out what to do when your basement is flooded with 3 inches of water reinforces that fact.
Deployments are not desirable. But they are doable.
You learn how to function in your ‘new normal’. You get a routine, you latch onto some girlfriends, you go on trips, and time passes. During one deployment, a girlfriend and I had a ritual to meet every Saturday morning to work out, then we would get a Starbucks and shop at garage sales. Having that pattern to my weekends gave me sanity when it was hard to come by.
You learn how strong you are. You and your husband learn how to communicate over the phone: how to flirt, how to chat and fill time, how to argue. You train your eyes and your heart to believe the best and refuse to let deployments destroy you.
I have been side-lined from life during deployments because I let fear and worry consume me. I was backed into a corner and couldn’t see my way out because it was clouded with anxiety and stained with tears. That’s not fun. It was important for me to learn that I have a choice in deployments too. You can’t choose whether your husband will be deployed or not, but you can choose what your perspective within that reality will be. The better way, the life-giving way, is to see purpose in the time apart. You can recognize the fact that there are lessons to be learned in this season that you wouldn’t have been able to learn any other way. You can choose to see joy, you choose faithfulness, and you choose love.
Deployments are not desirable. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be angry and wrestle with questions and hurts brought up by the situation; there are things below the surface that need to be dealt with and it’s good to acknowledge that this is not the way it was supposed to be.
But deployments are do-able... you can get through this. You are much stronger than you think you are. I promise. You learn that you actually are able to laugh again, and you see yourself transforming into this beautiful and strong woman.
Reunion will come. You will be able to reach over and touch his hand anytime you want again. Random things like gloves in a store will trigger a story that happened and you will be able to listen with pride, love, and an appreciation for your husband that you didn’t think was possible. Deployments have the power to break a couple, but they also have the power to build a beautiful strength in a marriage. When you are faced with stress and worry, may you cling to the knowledge that there can be good that comes out of even this and may you be able to see hope within the heartache.
Sunday, January 31, 2010 3:18 PM
This article is WONDERFUL!!! We have only been married for six weeks and he has been deployed for a week. THANK YOU for this article, it helps me understand what I am going through AND that it's ok to not be ok. It also give me hope that this too shall pass and soon he will be HOME!!!
Sunday, March 21, 2010 2:09 PM
Thankyou for this because I know our time will come when he gets orders to deploy and this will be our first deployment as a married couple...I have very bad anxiety problems and already thinking about this is making me panic terribly, I am also a wife with no children and would have to do this on my own..I do not want to run back to Virginia to be with my mom and my husband wants me to do this on my own..but how I dont know how I would do it alone in the house??? So many army wives have children that will get them thru the deployment but I do not have a child just my dog...how do you overcome this and exspecially when I do not have many friends..Im not a party girl I like working and comming home but not to a house thats empty..is this normal how I am feeling...I do not want to cry myelf to sleep or get so sick I end up in the hospital because of being alone??? What do I do??
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