April 12, 2010
by Sarah Sandifer

There are few things that can give a snapshot glance into somebody's life as efficiently as a bumper sticker. Where do they stand on talking on a cell phone while driving? "Hang up and drive" will let you know. What political party do they belong to?  A sticker trashing either Sarah Palin or Barack Obama is the clue. Are they pro gun control?  Read the line about Charlton Heston to find out.    

I always pay attention to bumper stickers on people's cars and think it's an interesting perspective into who they are and what they value. In the heavily militarily populated town that we were stationed in I frequently saw stickers on cars designating a unit, an award to be proud of, or a loved one lost.

One that I would see nearly every day would make me cringe each time as it proudly proclaimed "1/2 my heart is in Iraq." My husband's frequent "briefings" to me when he's about to leave has educated me into the ways of the world and has led to me take off my rose-colored glasses with which I previously viewed life.

This world is a beautiful place and I am always amazed at the fact that there is never a shortage of people willing to help me when I need it. But it also has potential to be a scary place with mean people within it. There's a fine line between paranoia and awareness though, and I try to be cautious and safe without assuming everyone I come into contact with is a bad guy.

However, having a bumper sticker on your car announcing to the world that you are a woman living alone with your husband half a world away seems to almost be asking for someone to follow you home and break into your house with or without you there.

We as military wives need to be intelligent and aware. It is one thing to be patriotic and immensely proud of your husband and what he's doing, but it is another to broadcast to everyone you come into contact with that he is deployed and you are living alone. There were times that people I worked with every day wouldn't know that Lane had deployed for at least a month because I knew it's just not necessary for me to shout from the rooftops that his unit was gone or that I was living alone.

The military calls it "Operational Security." I call it common sense.

My senses go on hyper drive as soon as Lane leaves. If I'm on a run, I typically either won't use my iPod at all or I'll have it turned down low so that I can hear everything around me. I know which cars have been driving behind me too long. I'm aware of men around me in ways I'm not if Lane is nearby. When walking on a sidewalk I don't smile and make eye contact as often. There are ways that I become a different person when Lane is gone simply because I just don't feel the freedom to be friendly to people I don't know.   

You owe it to yourself to be aware and safe during times when your husband is gone. There are good people out there with a heart for the military who are willing to help at a moment's notice, but there are also those out there who want to take advantage of women who are vulnerable to attack. Learning how to be proud but alert is important.

Be proud of your husband, what he is doing, and the sacrifice it entails. Give yourself a pat on the back for living military life with grace. Put "My Daddy's in the Army" onesies on your little ones every single day. Talk to your girlfriends about this life, send care packages, and wake up to phone calls from him at 4 am. Go to wives social group meetings, go to work, eat junk food for three months and then work out for five before he comes home, and buy a cute little camo print purse to use everyday. Wear "I love my soldier" t-shirts or put a "Support Our Troops" magnet on your car.  

But please. Don't wear shirts, key chains, or bumper stickers that broadcast that you're the only one living stateside. It's just not worth it. Phrases that say your loved one is deployed do say that someone you love is serving overseas, but it also says that they are not home with you. Be aware of different perspectives and how your shirt, bumper sticker, or bracelet might be interpreted. Your husband's life means the world to you, but remember that your life means the world to him, so be vigilant, aware, and proud every moment of every day.