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They're the people that you can make eye contact with and know exactly what they're thinking without saying a word. They're the ones that you talk with until 3 in the morning at a sleepover. They are the ones that you laugh until you cry with, cry until you laugh with, and know each other's favorite drinks, movies, and outfits.
They are your girlfriends.
The ones that got you through high school. Or that saved you in college. Or that you met at that one Post or Base during your husbands' nine months of training and you don't know what you would have done without them. You shared life with them and now don't know life without them.
However as we grow up, grow into our new lives, follow our husbands, and move further away from each other, it can get difficult to stay as close to these treasured friendships as we desire. I'm learning that it takes a lot of work to stay close to people as the geographical distance between us grows.
I have a group of girlfriends that I have been friends with for over ten years now. It has involved going away to college, marriage, finding new careers, and living across the country from each other. Throughout all of that though, we have been able to stay friends, and even grown closer.
How do we manage this?
- For maybe a three-four year period we managed a blog that we all contributed to, it became our online journal that only the five of us were able to read. We created a private profile that only we knew the password to, but any of us could access it and write what was going on, large or small. This was especially treasured as it became more difficult to set aside time to talk on the phone in the midst of busy schedules.
- We make an effort to get together once a year. Sometimes that is meeting up for one of our weddings, sometimes it is a quick overnight, sometimes it has worked out to be a legitimate getaway for a few days. However it happens, these moments together become the thread that ties us through the rest of the year.
- We have done a book club of sorts. Someone will pick out a book, we'll go out to the store or public library and pick it up, and once we've all read it we talk it through on an e-mail chain. Not the most conventional book club, but it is a fun way to connect with each other.
- We remember birthdays. We forget birthdays and call a week later groveling. We are shoulders to cry on. We are sounding boards to bounce life changes off of. As a new husband is added into our group one at a time, he is welcomed with open arms and becomes part of our Best Friend Club.
Whether military or not, as all of us get further and further away from high school, college, or your last duty station, it does get more difficult to manage those relationships that are so dear. The hardest part is sometimes recognizing that not everyone you wish to keep so close will forever be close. Sometimes moving away means having to make the choice of who your precious time will be devoted to and who you want to make the effort to stay close with.
A perk of being in the military is the amazing people you meet along the way and the life-long friendships that develop out of sharing these significant moments together. I have met some amazing women that it was a privilege to share day-to-day life with while we were stationed together.
Some of the things that we did together?
- Met up at the local gym a few times a week and laughed our way through kickboxing classes.
- Went to Garage Sales and Starbucks on Saturday mornings.
- Watched American Idol together and rooted for different contestants.
- Went out to birthday or anniversary dinners together when the other needed a stand-in husband because the real one was off doing his Army thing.
- Have crafting parties.
- Have baking parties.
- Have drinking parties.
I love my husband and nothing could ever replace him. But there is something significant about a relationship with a girlfriend that sometimes he just can't fill. Whether friends are across the street or across the country, there is something comforting and so unique about that bond. It does take effort, but it is an effort that results in fun, familiar, and life-long friendships.
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