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October 05, 2009 
By Terri Barnes
Finished with a column about the loneliness of moving, I prepared to e-mail it to my editor. I hesitated. Could I – should I – admit these personal struggles to anyone who happened to be reading? The immediacy of my deadline urged me on, aided by the painful truth: It was all I had. I said a prayer and clicked “Send.”
The message was received. Readers who saw themselves in my words wrote their own words of encouragement. Here are some excerpts:
I read your article on 13 Sept., and I have to say, it seemed like you were writing about me! Although my husband is retired, we are still moving around with his job for the Air Force …
Having moved with my dad as a child, and then 33 years as a spouse, I know all of the usual verbiage that accompanies PCS moves: “Grow where you're planted,” “Give it time,” … blah, blah, blah. I've probably snottily spouted off more than my fair share of them when discussing a spouse who just can't seem to stop feeling blue about a move ...
Well, I know I'll get used to things the way they are, and like you, I'll bloom again where I'm planted, but I sure could use a hefty dose of Miracle Grow right about now …
Oddly enough, the older I get, the more difficult it is to pull up roots and start all over again. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, and able to just roll with the punches, but I've talked to several spouses, and we all feel the same way.
I just wanted to thank you for putting the feelings into words. It really helped me try to gain some perspective … Knowing that someone else is coming to terms with the feelings of loss and being blindsided by how “not easy” this whole thing is makes me feel a little less isolated.
-- Donna
… Moving is painful and sucky and dirty and messy … You know this, I know this, all those other wives know this. But the older ones know something the younger ones aren't supposed to know yet, because if they did they'd never move again: It doesn't get easier, and in a lot of cases it gets worse because we have more kids, more boxes, more furniture, sometimes more bills. Those who are moving without the kids they've sent to college know a whole other kind of pain …
Yes, we'll get over it, through it, behind it (to hide in our weaker moments) and rise above it. In the meantime, though, there is the crackling tape of the boxes in our hearts that insist upon opening, and it's just another thing on the endless to-do list that is this life.
-- Diana
I got a knot my stomach reading your Sept. 13th column. I've been married for 20 years to my Navy husband. Just when I think I have it down, everything is running on autopilot, and the move was “easy,” I get hit by that sense. It doesn't usually last long once I get involved in our new community, but it always temporarily returns – knowing I'll never have my best and favorite friends all in one place, or the closeness of friends living overseas and really knowing we can rely on each other.
I still look forward to our future experiences and I cherish each new set of friends I make.
Thank you for your honesty!”
-- CMW
You are more than welcome, and the very same to all of you.
Terri Barnes is a military wife and mother of three. She lives and writes in Germany. Contact her at spousecalls@stripes.com.
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