Memorial Day is an opportunity to salute soldiers — and their struggling families, too.

By Kathy Roth-Douquet
Re-published from USA Today.

Memory is the key to the character, not only of a person, but of a country.

So essential is memory that Elie Wiesel, the humanitarian witness of the Holocaust, expresses concern about the recent development of a therapeutic drug that erases memory. As Wiesel points out, memory, even of uncomfortable or painful events, is necessary for both historic and moral understanding.

Our forbears seem to have agreed when they created Memorial Day. The order was issued on May 5, 1868, in the aftermath of the Civil War. It urged that we "let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic."

So it is surprising that, as a country, we still have to work hard to remind ourselves that Memorial Day is meant to be more than the three-day-weekend that heralds the start of summer. This year is the seventh Memorial Day in a row that finds American men and women in uniform in ongoing missions in Iraq and Afghanistan that are sure to bring more American losses.

Don't forget military families Today in America— when the military makes up just 1% of the population — it is not only our distant dead whom we need to remember, but also the tens of thousands of sons and daughters, husbands and wives in the military whose families pray each day for their safe return. In a recent survey of military family members, fielded by a range of organizations serving and representing military families, an astonishing 94% of respondents reported feeling disconnected from the rest of America.

"I do not feel the larger society understands or appreciates the sacrifices made by military families," agreed the majority of active duty and reserve families, officers and enlisted, families of soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines in response to a survey question.

Perhaps Memorial Day can be a day to remember those families, too.

What would military families like us to remember, or to learn? One military wife, anonymously answering an "open response" section of the survey, said she'd like folks to know that military children have an operational tempo — that is, a cyclic rate of deployment, homecoming and redeployment — as great as their parents, and are being as affected by the war as the soldier.

Another spouse raises more practical needs in an open-ended response, pointing out that she needs "someone to mow the lawn, look after the kids, take out the trash, that sort of thing."

But they'd also like us to know, says Army spouse Laura Dempsey, whose husband is with the 10th Mountain Division along the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, that "despite all of this, we are proud of our service. We love the Army culture and feel that we are stronger, our marriage is stronger, and our children are getting rewards from this life as well."

Casey Spurr's Navy husband has had three deployments in the past five years, missing half his 4-year-old son's life. But she also says, despite the sacrifice, it's the "honor of a lifetime" to be part of a military family.

What animates these families is what John McCain called "a cause greater than self-interest." Military families want to be remembered, not just because they want sympathy, or help. But because they believe there is a benefit that comes from being part of a larger endeavor, and they don't want the larger society to miss out on that, either.

What you can do First lady Michelle Obama has shifted many people's attention to military families, by giving the issue her imprimatur, visiting Fort Bragg in North Carolina and honoring the military child of the year at the White House. That is welcome attention.

There are many creative ways for individuals and organizations to get involved in helping military families. Sesame Street put together a great video for kids about deployment. This helps normalize their experience while letting them know in a safe, friendly way that it's OK to feel the way they do. The Congressional Women's Caucus is urging representatives to meet with military families in their districts, in hopes of gaining a better understanding of what these folks face. Kids in Distressed Situations, listed by Forbes among the 200 largest U.S. charities, announced a commitment to provide free children's books to the woefully understocked base libraries and schools around the USA.

Let Memorial Day be a day to remember with action. Take the traditional route of decorating a veterans cemetery or cheering at a parade. Or you can take a non-traditional path. Find a family with a deployed mom or dad and do what Patricia Sinay in Encinitas, Calif., plans to do — drop off a packet of Oreo cookies and a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Go online and give to a military-focused charity, such as DonorsChoose.org, the one Stephen Colbert is showcasing on his Comedy Central website. Or simply tell your children that brave men and women and their families are serving around the world for us — and that you appreciate them.

Let's make Memorial Day be for our honored dead, for our proud and struggling military families, and for us all.

Kathy Roth-Douquet is a founder of Blue Star Families and is a Marine Corps wife living on Parris Island, S.C

Memorial Day is an opportunity to salute soldiers — and their struggling families, too.

By Kathy Roth-Douquet
Re-published from USA Today.

Memory is the key to the character, not only of a person, but of a country.

So essential is memory that Elie Wiesel, the humanitarian witness of the Holocaust, expresses concern about the recent development of a therapeutic drug that erases memory. As Wiesel points out, memory, even of uncomfortable or painful events, is necessary for both historic and moral understanding.

Our forbears seem to have agreed when they created Memorial Day. The order was issued on May 5, 1868, in the aftermath of the Civil War. It urged that we "let no neglect, no ravages of time, testify to the present or to the coming generations that we have forgotten as a people the cost of a free and undivided republic."

So it is surprising that, as a country, we still have to work hard to remind ourselves that Memorial Day is meant to be more than the three-day-weekend that heralds the start of summer. This year is the seventh Memorial Day in a row that finds American men and women in uniform in ongoing missions in Iraq and Afghanistan that are sure to bring more American losses.

Don't forget military families Today in America— when the military makes up just 1% of the population — it is not only our distant dead whom we need to remember, but also the tens of thousands of sons and daughters, husbands and wives in the military whose families pray each day for their safe return. In a recent survey of military family members, fielded by a range of organizations serving and representing military families, an astonishing 94% of respondents reported feeling disconnected from the rest of America.

"I do not feel the larger society understands or appreciates the sacrifices made by military families," agreed the majority of active duty and reserve families, officers and enlisted, families of soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines in response to a survey question.

Perhaps Memorial Day can be a day to remember those families, too.

What would military families like us to remember, or to learn? One military wife, anonymously answering an "open response" section of the survey, said she'd like folks to know that military children have an operational tempo — that is, a cyclic rate of deployment, homecoming and redeployment — as great as their parents, and are being as affected by the war as the soldier.

Another spouse raises more practical needs in an open-ended response, pointing out that she needs "someone to mow the lawn, look after the kids, take out the trash, that sort of thing."

But they'd also like us to know, says Army spouse Laura Dempsey, whose husband is with the 10th Mountain Division along the Afghanistan/Pakistan border, that "despite all of this, we are proud of our service. We love the Army culture and feel that we are stronger, our marriage is stronger, and our children are getting rewards from this life as well."

Casey Spurr's Navy husband has had three deployments in the past five years, missing half his 4-year-old son's life. But she also says, despite the sacrifice, it's the "honor of a lifetime" to be part of a military family.

What animates these families is what John McCain called "a cause greater than self-interest." Military families want to be remembered, not just because they want sympathy, or help. But because they believe there is a benefit that comes from being part of a larger endeavor, and they don't want the larger society to miss out on that, either.

What you can do First lady Michelle Obama has shifted many people's attention to military families, by giving the issue her imprimatur, visiting Fort Bragg in North Carolina and honoring the military child of the year at the White House. That is welcome attention.

There are many creative ways for individuals and organizations to get involved in helping military families. Sesame Street put together a great video for kids about deployment. This helps normalize their experience while letting them know in a safe, friendly way that it's OK to feel the way they do. The Congressional Women's Caucus is urging representatives to meet with military families in their districts, in hopes of gaining a better understanding of what these folks face. Kids in Distressed Situations, listed by Forbes among the 200 largest U.S. charities, announced a commitment to provide free children's books to the woefully understocked base libraries and schools around the USA.

Let Memorial Day be a day to remember with action. Take the traditional route of decorating a veterans cemetery or cheering at a parade. Or you can take a non-traditional path. Find a family with a deployed mom or dad and do what Patricia Sinay in Encinitas, Calif., plans to do — drop off a packet of Oreo cookies and a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream. Go online and give to a military-focused charity, such as DonorsChoose.org, the one Stephen Colbert is showcasing on his Comedy Central website. Or simply tell your children that brave men and women and their families are serving around the world for us — and that you appreciate them.

Let's make Memorial Day be for our honored dead, for our proud and struggling military families, and for us all.

Kathy Roth-Douquet is a founder of Blue Star Families and is a Marine Corps wife living on Parris Island, S.C

Military Spouse Appreciation Day – May 8th
by Sue Hoppin, MOAA

 It is a day that is set aside each year to recognize and honor the contributions and sacrifices of military spouses.  In 1984, then President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the Friday before Mother’s Day to be designated as Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  Since then, each President and senior military leaders have echoed the sentiments expressed by President Reagan.  In addition to the public support and recognition of these leaders, events are commonly sponsored at installations across the nation and around the world to recognize the importance of our unsung heroes.

Military spouses, past and present, are an extraordinary group of individuals.  While their husbands or wives took an oath and signed on a dotted line when they joined the military, spouses were enlisted through the back door with the vows they took on their wedding day.  In choosing their mates, they inadvertently chose their way of life.  While others have the luxury of decorating their homes knowing they will be there for the duration, military spouses decorate their homes hoping they will be there for three years.  While others slowly gather a network of hairdressers, churches, dentists and doctors; military spouses hit the ground running.  They know they have a limited time to set down roots before it’s time to pack up again.  

For many people, the constant moving would discourage them from connecting with the local community; for the military spouse, the opposite is true.  Adversity just makes them stronger.  What some people view as obstacles, they take on as challenges to be overcome.  With only eighteen months to three years at most duty stations, they view it as a limited time to make friends and leave a mark on the community.  They jump in wholeheartedly into the PTA, church and community.  Every once in a while, they may glance at the diplomas on the wall and wonder what if.  Then reality comes crashing in and they realize that they are the only constant for their children while mom or dad is deployed or remote, and they remain steadfast in their conviction that they are doing the right thing.  

They come from diverse backgrounds, hailing from places such as: Texas, Florida, Germany or Japan, but the one thing they have in common is their unfailing support of their military husband or wife and the mission of the United States military. The husbands and wives of all our men and women in uniform worldwide deserve our thanks.  We salute your strength, patriotism and support.  You make the mission possible.

"Bursting with Pride" by Michelle Obama

..."I particularly cherished my visits with military families all across the country. I met so many strong and inspiring military spouses eager to share their stories, their dreams for the future and the unique challenges they face because of their families' selfless service to our country. 
 
And if there's one thing I learned, it's that when our servicemen and women go to war, their families go with them. I saw how they take care of each other, heard how they fill in whenever the system fails and discovered that the trials they faced always were matched by the hope they shared that better days are still ahead..."

..."So as I watch Barack take that oath, I'll be thinking especially about those members of our American family who stand guard across the world and the loved ones who await their safe return. Because even as we mark this moment in American history, there still will be empty seats at the dinner table; there still will be spouses struggling to juggle roles and responsibilities; there still will be children who mark the passing of a birthday without Mommy and toddlers who know their father only by a grainy video stream from a far-flung corner of the globe..." 

To read the entire article, click here.

"Bursting with Pride" by Michelle Obama

..."I particularly cherished my visits with military families all across the country. I met so many strong and inspiring military spouses eager to share their stories, their dreams for the future and the unique challenges they face because of their families' selfless service to our country. 
 
And if there's one thing I learned, it's that when our servicemen and women go to war, their families go with them. I saw how they take care of each other, heard how they fill in whenever the system fails and discovered that the trials they faced always were matched by the hope they shared that better days are still ahead..."

..."So as I watch Barack take that oath, I'll be thinking especially about those members of our American family who stand guard across the world and the loved ones who await their safe return. Because even as we mark this moment in American history, there still will be empty seats at the dinner table; there still will be spouses struggling to juggle roles and responsibilities; there still will be children who mark the passing of a birthday without Mommy and toddlers who know their father only by a grainy video stream from a far-flung corner of the globe..." 

To read the entire article, click here.